No way! No way!! No (freaking!) WAY!!!
<Jumping up and down while squealing for joy!>
Has anybody else heard the latest rumor going around about Bruno Mars?!!
Well, <attempting to compose myself … without much success!> according to different sources, the NFL (I knew that there was a reason that I liked those guys!) is asking Bruno to come back and … Are you ready for THIS, Hooligans?!! …HEADLINE the Super Bowl 50 Halftime Show!!
I know, right?! <Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!> It's too good to be true!!
Of course, Bruno has not given an answer yet, sooo … say YES, Bruno! <Clasping Hands frantically> Please, please, pleeeeeease say yes!!
1 Week later ...
<Drumming Fingers impatiently>
Dude! Seriously?! You are killing me here!!
<Uggghhhh!> STILL no answer from Bruno about the Super Bowl!
Surely the question hasn't reached his ears yet. I mean, honestly, it’s not like he would ever say no, or anything! ... Am I Right?! … Bruno??
1 ½ Weeks later …
<Playing the “Desk Drums” … Badly>
2 Weeks later ...
You think he’ll sing “Uptown Funk!”? … I think he’ll sing “Uptown Funk!” …
2 ½ Weeks later …
<Rearranging my Pen Cup for the gazillioneth time while humming to myself … slightly off key>
<“Uptown funk you up, uptown funk you up! …”>
<Starting to “Office Chair-Dance” … Knocking off Pen Cup … Oh, Sh#t!! …>
3 Weeks later …
<Banging head on keyboard!>
<Aaaarrrrrgggghhhhh!> Why, Bruno, Whyyyyyyyy?!!
Why has there been no response, hmmm?!! What up?!
No confirmation, no small hint, no NOTHING!!
Brunz, (Can I call you “Brunz”?) man, what is there to think about??
Just say yes! Pleeeease?!
C’mon, just one, teeny, baby, syllable (I’ll even say it with you!), “YES”!
3 ½ Weeks later …
<Filing down fingernails to non-existent, helpless, little nubs>
<Blowing out air emphatically> It’s cool! ... It’s alllll good!! ... I can wait.
He's gonna say yes.
Yup. Definitely gonna say yes.
4 Weeks later …
Mm-mmm …Yup, yup, yup.
Bruno's going to the SUPERBOOOWWWWWLLLL!!!!
<Leaping up excitedly from Office Chair … once again knocking over Pen Cup!>
That’s right, Hooligans!! According to Wikipedia, the one, the only, Bruno “Funking” Mars will be performing LIVE in the 2016 Super Bowl Halftime Show!
< Aaaaahh!! > I can’t WAIT!!
< Attempting a very poor version of the “Running Man” … “What’s he gon' do?! Dance, jump on it!! And if he’s sexy, he’ll flaunt it! …” >
I KNEW IT!! I knew it, knew it, KNEW it!!! (<Ahem!> Never doubted you a second, Bruno!)
<Whew!> Okay! <Taking breath> Okay, calming down now! (Yeah, that’s a cramp!)
<Plopping back down in Office Chair, clutching side>
I mean, <Another deep breath> for just a little while there (<Pfffft!>Try four whole MONTHS!) I thought maybe he wasn’t gonna be there!
To think! ... Super Bowl 50 WITHOUT “Uptown Funk!”?? ... HA!! Totally ridiculous.